I’ve worked with parents whose first question is “how do I get my child to do what I ask?” in some form or other. One of the greatest shift into peaceful parenting is moving from “how do I get my child to do what I ask” to “what do I need right now?” – the answer is something you can give yourself – and then “what does my child need right now (that means they’re not able to do what I ask?)”. Taking responsibility for your needs and having empathy for your child are two skills peaceful parenting aims to cultivate.
My parenting programmes help parents get in touch with their feelings and needs, understand and be more accepting of themselves; then in turn do the same for their children: recognise their feelings and needs, and understand their behaviour, before a conversation takes place to find a mutual solution.
I can’t guarantee your child will do what you want, but it’s likely you’ll understand why you want it, why your child won’t do it, and what you can do about it. Your child will also grow into an adult that takes responsibility for themselves and can empathise with others. How does that sound?
So, for now, instead of asking yourself “how do I get my child to do what I ask?”, perhaps ask yourself “what can I give myself right now?”. The answer may be a break (self-compassion), or a big breath (time), or a listening ear: tell yourself all the things you find hard and give yourself some love.
